One Million Dollars

That's how much I would have paid to feel better after Ruthie died. To eliminate the pain, aching, devastating hole in my heart.

And that’s how much I would have paid to eliminate pain and heal my body of cancer.

One million dollars.

But a million dollars couldn’t take away the (emotional) pain of my daughter dying. And a million dollars can't take away the (physical) pain of cancer and it’s treatment.

Alas, I did find relief for my grief. And I found relief through my chemo, radiation and recovery through naturopathy and alternative treatments. Neither healed me, but both supported my body, mind, soul.

My girlfriend told me I would not know how terrible I would have felt throughout treatment because even with integrative, naturopathic and alternative treatments I will still feel terrible.

Another friend shared with me that she wished there was a more humane way to treat cancer.

At the time, I couldn’t imagine what either was telling me.

But, both were right.

I felt beyond terrible.

The chemo and radiation felt inhumane.

And here I am, on the other side. The long, healing, recovery side that is still a struggle each day—-a struggle I gratefully walk in, but a struggle nonetheless. These treatments will continue for through my recovery. They will replenish what has been lost and set me up for a healthier future.

I tell you this because neither were cheap but worth every penny. I have you to thank. You who attended our fundraiser or donate through the Give InKind page or send us love gifts in the mail. You have made this terrible, inhumane treatment more manageable, supported, and financially possible. No "thank you" will ever be enough. But THANK YOU, nonetheless.

And I still wish a million dollars would relieve all the pain (and all other's pain, too).

But mostly, I wish a million dollars could save babies and heal cancer.