I am taking some photography classes and they seem to have taken any free moments I get after Reid falls asleep, it's great. They are not quite technical classes for my camera (yet!) but they are reflective forms of using the camera and ways to edit some sweetness in the photos. This work has really put some perspective back into my heart. It seems that I don't have, or haven't made, as much writing time as I once had and I miss it dearly. I miss the ability to put time into my thoughts but these pictures are speaking a thousand words that I am unable to right now. The camera is seeing the view of my heart, it's speaking volumes for me.
I spend a lot of alone time with Reid, beautiful, challenging, rewarding alone time. Since dad is full time school and work right now, Reid and I do pick up, dinner, bath time, evening walk, dancing and bed time together each and every day, it is so hard and exactly as I hoped it to be. He is my buddy, my sweet boy, my love.
Being a mama is the hardest, most exhausting, yet rewarding job I have ever had. I look around the house and it doesn't seem like I do much of anything. I don't have alone time, let alone free time. I can't remember the last book I read in its entirety that wasn't a parenting book. I can't do any task that requires the use of two hands. But I do get, big hugs, sweet kisses, squeals, oinks and a dancing partner all night long. I get to see the world through the innocent eyes of a discovering toddler. And at the end of the day when I snuggle him close, I get to breathe in the sweet fragrance of heaven as I inhale his baby smell.
I thoroughly realize I actually do so much. I am raising a little person; a brilliant, loving, sweet little boy. And THAT is my most important job, ever.
On the eve of your sister's passing, you are asleep in my arms as I lay in the recliner in the dark living room. It's way past bed time. You've been a out for a while now, soft music playing in the background, the perfect soundtrack to he rhythm of your breathing.
I could lay you down in bed but then I wouldn't be holding you and right now, all I want in the world is to hold you.
I never want to let you go.
And certainly not tonight.
I am mama of three beautiful babes; two sons whom I have the privilege of raising and my daughter who lived for 33 sacred days.