One of the hardest things to hear soon after Ruthie Lou left us was the words, "moving on". It brought up such anger that anyone could think that some day I would "move on" from my daughter, would you ever "move on" from your living children? Then why would I move on from my child who has left me....?
I have found that I am in a place of "moving forward", it feels so much different than moving on. Moving on feels devastating, like we will forget her, we are leaving her, we are moving to another place without her and that will never be the case. Moving forward feels like life is continuing forward with her by our side and in our hearts, where she will always reside whether spoken aloud or not.
Life gets busy. Real life beckons my return. Work, bills, being a mama, wife, friend and a functioning member of society demand my presence and that is a hard to pill to swallow on some days. But on other days, the sunshine pours in our bedroom window and I am woken by the sweet smiles and laughter of a little boy, our rainbow baby, the rainbow after the storm. Somehow, it has gotten easier. Somehow, life has moved forward and I am a part of this life that I had no choice in other than the choice to keep living. I am so grateful that real life beckons me back because THAT is what my daughter would have wanted. She would have wanted us to move forward, loving life and living the best life possible.
So many gifts she left behind, so many lessons. I miss my sweet girl each day and I am so grateful she taught me the true value of this life. I am forever changed. I am better because of her.
I am mama of three beautiful babes; two sons whom I have the privilege of raising and my daughter who lived for 33 sacred days.