August 27, 2011

I have been wanting to write so badly to tell you how beautiful our last few days have been. Writing has proven to be such an outlet for me, personally and also allows me to share with you this journey so that you may "meet" Ruthie Lou and be part of her life even if from afar.

Since Monday, we have had a roller coaster of emotions, moments of complete despair but also moments of complete joy, having the opportunity to share little miss Ruthie Lou with the loved ones in our life.  Ruthie Lou herself, has had such wonderful days being passed between her mama and dad, grandparents, aunties, uncles & friends. Watching their expression as they stare lovingly at her and relish at how absolutely beautiful and perfect she is, it warms my heart completely. There was a moment tonight as we sat in her room telling stories, we went back and forth from laughing and crying and in a moment of pure laughter it occurred to me, this is what I want Ruthie Lou's life experience to be-full of laughter and lots and lots of love. Tears and laughter equally show her our true love and she has had so much of both since the moment she was born. I love sitting in the room holding Ruthie Lou and I could just sit there with her forever.

The week overall has been a blur, each day blending from one to the next. The amount of tremendous love, outpouring support, heartfelt messages & generous offers of help has been overwhelming to Chris and me. We are extraordinarily lucky to be surrounded by so many people who genuinely love us, even by people we have never met, it is amazing. Ruthie Lou has made such an impact in the last two weeks, she has taught so many people to show true love and compassion. In a moment, although I thought I already lived this way, Ruthie Lou has taught me to tell people I love them every single moment that I can, to value every moment and to not worry about the unimportant things in life, I hope that she has done the same thing for you.  It is so unfortunate that we typically don't know our importance or how much we are loved until a tragedy strikes or someone passes away, I truly hope that this has changed you and that you have told the people in your life how much you love them and squeezed them a little tighter tonight.

It looks like we will be transferring to a Children's Hospice early next week. The location is absolutely beautiful and although it will mark the beginning of Ruthie Lou's transition, we are really looking forward to being a family outside of the hospital walls.  Everyone at Kaiser has been so incredibly wonderful, we honestly will be very sad to leave them, overnight they have become our family, Ruthie Lou's family.  But we really can't wait to do the normal stuff that families do, snuggling/napping with our baby, taking her outside to see the world and being able to sleep in her room with her.

Once again, I just can't say enough how much your messages, texts, and emails mean to us, they offer us such strength and support.  Please continue to send them, even if we don't answer. We love you all so much and truly appreciate every single one of you, it's amazing how many people a newborn baby can bring together.  Yet again another miracle of little miss Ruthie Lou, our precious sweet angel.