Amie Lands, Author
  • Welcome
  • Author
  • Books
    • Navigating The Unknown
    • Our Only Time
    • Perfectly Imperfect Family
    • Tending to Your Heart series
    • Support Books
  • Blog

The Stocking.

12/23/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
The fireplace holds five stockings, but only four people live in my house. 5 years ago we celebrated our son’s first Christmas. I spent the days crafting while he napped as I hoped for and imagined what future years would bring. I could not bear to only make one stocking when I was the mother of two. It felt equally wrong as right to make a stocking for my daughter who had died of year prior, but I sewed two stockings that year; one for Ruthie Lou, the other for Reid.
The dark nights of winter were so long and quiet and empty with only one baby in the house. I spent a lot of time imagining what it would it would be like if she were there still. I wondered what it would be like to mother two living children. My heart broke even more watching my son hit all the milestones that my daughter never would. The juxtaposition was exhausting, the joy of watching him grow and the emptiness of living without my daughter.

We had to make awful decisions that year, decisions that no parent should have to consider:
Do we include her name on holiday cards?
How do we include her in family photos?
How do we honor her during the holidays?
Do I make her a stocking?
What do we do with a stocking that hangs empty?

Each year we’ve had to face the same or similar decisions. We reflect on what we’ve done for Ruthie Lou in year’s past, and typically decide to do the same as we move forward.

We sign her name on holiday card.
We always include something of hers in our family photos.
Her stocking is hung on the mantle next to her brothers.
We adopt a girl the same age she would be to buy Christmas gifts in her memory.

It may not make sense to others, but I feel comfortable with the traditions we’ve created and yet (more than anything) I wish this wasn’t the reality of our life.

As we enter into the deepest part of the holiday season, I think of all the moms who this is their first Christmas without their son or daughter. I want to encourage you to reach out to someone who is grieving. Send a text, pick up the phone, stop by for a quick visit and hug. Show that you will always remember their child and that you are holding them close in your thoughts.

And if you are the one missing your child this holiday season (and every day, really), be gentle with yourself.
Listen to your heart.
Don’t over schedule your time.
Take breaks when you need.
Honor old traditions only if they feel good.
Making new traditions if that feels better.
There is no right and there is no wrong during this year.

Each year is a little less harsh than the one before, but the missing never really gets easier. I wish I had some way to lighten that pain for myself and for others. But the only thing I can offer, is to follow what feels right and not question what others might think because thankfully, they don’t have to face this hardship. But if truth be told, 6 years later I still don’t know what to do with that damn stocking. So, there it hangs with the rest of the family because our daughter will always be the heart of our family.
Picture
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Amie Lands

    I am mama of three beautiful babes; two sons whom I have the privilege of raising and my daughter who lived for 33 sacred days.

    Archives

    May 2020
    January 2020
    October 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011

    Categories

    All
    Anniversaries
    Birthdays
    Book
    Breastfeeding
    Cancer
    Faith
    Family
    Fear
    Free Ebook
    Friends
    George Mark Children's House
    Gifts
    Giveaway
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Grocery Store Conversations
    Holidays
    Hope
    How Many Kids Do You Have?
    Ladybugs
    Lessons
    Life
    Loss
    Love
    Mama
    Memories
    Missing
    Mother's Day
    Musings
    Pain
    Pregnancy After Loss
    Rainbow Baby
    Resilience
    Ruthie Lou Foundation
    Ruthie's Life
    Sacred
    Siblings
    Signs
    Strength
    Support
    Wave Of Light

    RSS Feed



​Stay connected!


© Amie Lands, Author 2018

​Privacy Policy
  • Welcome
  • Author
  • Books
    • Navigating The Unknown
    • Our Only Time
    • Perfectly Imperfect Family
    • Tending to Your Heart series
    • Support Books
  • Blog