Shortly after returning from the hospital to an empty house without my sweet girl, I went for a long distance bike ride on the open road alone. I was climbing a huge hill, the wind beating behind me and smelling the fresh Fall air, thinking of what my life had become. I was talking to Ruthie Lou as I rode, telling her of my undying love and asking her what I was supposed to do with a life that now held no meaning when the thought came, I must live for her. I must wake up each day, put my feet on the ground and greet each day as it is my last and make it the best it can be. I must be the person I always wanted to be, do the things that always held fear for me and truly live for her.
When Ruthie Lou died, life as I knew it ended. Relationships ended. My presumed future ended. Who I had been until that point ended. My innocence ended. But, my life did not end. I wanted it to end, but it didn't. I willed it to end, but it didn't.
As every child does, Ruthie Lou came into my life to make it better, sweeter, full of love and she did, while she was alive. She did not come here to ruin my life, but to see how truly beautiful life can be. I will never un-experience the joy I had when she was in my arms, I could never fall out of love with her. Even though she died, my love never will.
I live for her because she cannot.
Life is short, Love life , Live life, Follow your heart, Stay present
Feel love, Be love, Accept love, Show love, Love yourself
Keep living, Never give up, Be patient, Breathe
Wait, pause, think, speak
Be real, Be honest, Have boundaries, Give respect
Be your own best friend, Have best friends, Marry your best friend
Forgive, Let go, Release negativity
Work hard, Help others, Be a good role model
Be in nature, Be quiet, Be active, Be strong, Be yourself, Be patient
Laugh, Sing, Dance, Cry
Look for the lesson, Learn from the lesson, Keep trying, Keep moving forward
Remember to Always Say I Love You
I am mama of three beautiful babes; two sons whom I have the privilege of raising and my daughter who lived for 33 sacred days.