In writing the most recent entry I forgot to add the most incredible thing that happened as the doctor was giving us the results from her lumbar puncture! Last night as I was pumping bedside, the doctor came over to relay the results of the lumbar puncture. He started by telling us all the diseases and such that they were testing for came back negative and we were immediately relieved. When he continued on about the abnormal chromosomes, our hearts fell to the floor and a numb feeling came over my entire body. Here I am pumping in the NICU next to my daughters bed, screens covering our little corner and a blanket draped over my front and all of a sudden the world stopped spinning as Chris and I are staring in disbelief...
Ruthie Lou opened her eyes!
We both jumped up tuned out the words of the dr and greeted our daughter for the very first time! It only lasted a minute or so but it could've been forever! As the dr was painting a potential bleak picture for us, Ruthie Lou chose THAT MOMENT to look at us! Now I know that newborns cannot see clearly but we are certain that she was looking for us! She was telling us not to listen to the drs, that she was there and she is strong. She is on 5 different anti-convulsants and somehow she had the strength to open her eyes for us. That is a miracle!
Then, today once again I was pumping bedside (always pumping!) and just as dad walked away she opened her eyes again! She seems to be choosing moments I am most inappropriate to be jumping up to see her more closely but she is one tough cookie! We keep telling her she is supposed to be resting but that little girl is a bit stubborn...Chris is certain she gets that from me! So...miracles and small victories. We got to look our daughter in the eyes, what a blessing.
I am mama of three beautiful babes; two sons whom I have the privilege of raising and my daughter who lived for 33 sacred days.