Last Year

"The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns." ~ George Santayana

My sweet girl, 
A year ago today I thought you were going to die-but you didn't. Unbelievably, you stayed with us two more days. Today, I am awake nearly all night holding your brother and between sweet smiles shared, the tears fall as I love him, I miss you. I never forgot how much I love you but I forgot the overpowering all encompassing undeniable radiating love you feel when you hold your baby, the one you love more than yourself. I love you that much. I love him that much, too. It is so strong. I miss you so. I want you both. I want you here with us.