Amie Lands
  • Welcome
  • Author
  • Books
    • Navigating The Unknown
    • Our Only Time
    • Perfectly Imperfect Family
    • Tending to Your Heart series
  • Support Books
  • Work from Homeschool Mama

I am a WARRIOR.

7/19/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture
Sometimes I am angry.

Sometimes I am sad.

Most the time I feel anxious and exhausted.

But, always I am a WARRIOR.

The past two months have been filled with grief. I am grieving the summer I thought I would have; time with my boys playing by the pool and getting to be a stay at home summer mom. I am grieving the end of breastfeeding Adam to which I was given one hour’s notice before heading to one scan that piggy backed another scan while facing surgery and radiation. I am grieving all the normal parts of life; having energy, deep slumber, my appetite, feeling peace, and being in charge of my own schedule. And the PTSD from Ruthie’s short life transferring into this experience is real and it’s hard.

But, I am allowing myself to feel all those feelings because this is how you move through them. It’s important for me to acknowledge all the energy flowing through my body. Moving the energy through allows it to release and reminds me to remember who I am at my core, while allowing who I am becoming to develop too.

I have a hard time catching my breath through the anxiety, but am reminded to breathe fully and deeply.

Falling asleep is challenging but once I am there, the dreams are full and vibrant.

My appetite is lacking, but once I take that first bite of fresh food I am reminded that food is life...and is tremendous joy in my life.

And music. Music raises my spirit always. Through the sadness I feel, the anxiety I am experiencing, there are so many nights where you will still hear music flowing from the windows of our home and a dance party happening in the living room or kitchen.

Life is (still) good. Ruthie taught me that through tremendous pain, there is tremendous beauty and lessons to be learned if you are open to it.

So, I am scared, sad, anxious.

And simultaneously, I am grateful, I am loved, I am supported, I am a WARRIOR.

I don’t want to do any of this, but I wouldn’t want you to do it either. So why not me? I am not naive to think that I am immune to hardship because I’ve experienced loss before. If I had to choose this experience between me and my husband, or boys, or family member or friend-if ONE of us HAS to do THIS, I would choose me over and over again because I know I will be ok. It will be hard, but I will be ok. And sometimes I wonder if it’s harder for those who love me. It’s so hard to be powerless in a situation watching someone you love suffer or struggle. Nobody deserves this, so why not me?

This is merely a bump in the road.

Let me remind you:

I am a WARRIOR.



...and please remind me when I momentarily forget!


1 Comment
Patty Purn
7/19/2018 08:46:53 pm

Yes indeed! You are truly a warrior! I love that you said there is great beauty in the midst of our hardest times! We do have to be open to it , look for it & be soo grateful for it, along with the tremendous LOVE, that is present..❤️❤️❤️

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Amie Lands

    I am mama of three beautiful babes; two sons whom I have the privilege of raising and my daughter who lived for 33 sacred days.

    Archives

    May 2020
    January 2020
    October 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011

    Categories

    All
    Anniversaries
    Birthdays
    Book
    Breastfeeding
    Cancer
    Faith
    Family
    Fear
    Free Ebook
    Friends
    George Mark Children's House
    Gifts
    Giveaway
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Grocery Store Conversations
    Holidays
    Hope
    How Many Kids Do You Have?
    Ladybugs
    Lessons
    Life
    Loss
    Love
    Mama
    Memories
    Missing
    Mother's Day
    Musings
    Pain
    Pregnancy After Loss
    Rainbow Baby
    Resilience
    Ruthie Lou Foundation
    Ruthie's Life
    Sacred
    Siblings
    Signs
    Strength
    Support
    Wave Of Light

    RSS Feed



​Stay connected!


© Amie Lands, 2023

​Privacy Policy
  • Welcome
  • Author
  • Books
    • Navigating The Unknown
    • Our Only Time
    • Perfectly Imperfect Family
    • Tending to Your Heart series
  • Support Books
  • Work from Homeschool Mama