I woke up yesterday morning after a restless nights sleep. It was amazing having Ruthie Lou sleep in our room with us but it also brought such anxiety of listening to her breathe all night with the fear she would stop at any moment. Any little change in her breathing woke me up and I felt myself awake more than I was asleep. It did however afford me some very sweet quality moments with little miss Ruthie Lou.
At one time, I took her to the couch with me and we slept there but eventually she just ended up in our bed between Chris and I where we could just reach out and touch her at any moment. Since I slept so poorly, our morning yesterday started very slowly, but who am I kidding, I move slow in the morning on a regular day! So we got in great naps on the couch and lots of lounging, but I suppose that is what you do with a newborn anyways... Lots of rest. A photographer visited us yesterday and not being quite sure how that was going to go, it turned out to be amazing! We could see some of the shots that he got immediately and they were beautiful. Even Chris, who many of you know a camera comes near him and his very sweet face immediately grimaces, looked relaxed and so loving in the pictures we saw. Ruthie Lou of course looked stunning! She is just the absolute most beautiful thing I have ever seen and she did amazing as we moved from one spot to the next. The evening proved to be just as relaxing as the day. We ate dinner outside and after, took a little stroll out to the garden. We circled the grounds and checked out the landscaping, it is captivating here. Every little last detail has been thought of and it is breathtaking. There are little creatures and birds flying about from tree to tree, flower to flower, we even saw a hummingbird land. I don't know about you, but we had never seen one actually land before! Not stop at a feeder or flower to feed, but actually stop on a branch and sit there a moment, they certainly are cute little guys. We were excited to show Ruthie Lou the hummingbird. As night fell and we got sleepy, ordinarily I like to stay up as late as I can because I don't want to leave her or I feel worried that we may not get tomorrow, but last night was not the case. We had had a beautiful day, so relaxing and wonderful. We couldn't have asked for a nicer time together. I found myself feeling at peace last night as we lay Ruthie Lou between us on the bed, which is just the most peaceful place for us to have her. Laying right between her mama & her dad and just for a moment, all was right in the world.
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Today was heaven sent. It was amazing. We got off to a later start than anticipated but when we arrived here, it was just as described and better than the pictures.
As we entered the building, before we even made it to our room, we were greeted by an enormous bouquet of beautiful pink roses from Ruthie Lous grammie and grandpa! The co-founder came to our room and greeted us and gave us such a warm welcome, we sat and chatted for over an hour, it is clear she is following her life's purpose by providing such a safe, warm, and welcoming place for families to retreat with their children. And just as she was about to leave, Ruthie Lou's neurologist came by to see us! The fact that she came here, is just indicative of the numerous wonderful people that Ruthie Lou has had the pleasure to be with these last few weeks. It took a little while to settle in, and we were so very tired, it felt great to sit on the couch and just be. Dad held Ruthie Lou and took a little nap, I pumped (once again) but in the comfort of our living room and with both of them right next to me on the couch. As I got sleepy and dad woke up, I scooped up Ruthie Lou and had my own little snuggle with her on the bed, something I have wanted to do...forever. We ate dinner outside and Ruthie Lou got to smell the fresh air for the very first time! We really wanted to take a walk with her but as the night chill began to come in we thought we'd better bathe her and bundle her up before that could happen, so in we came for Ruthie Lou's first bath. I set everything up and Chris took off her diaper and handed her to me, as he turned to grab the video camera, since of course it needed to be documented, she pooped all down my arm and all over the floor, it just kept coming!!! I was laughing so incredibly hard and Chris was just worried about catching it on film, all we could do was stand there!! Ruthie Lou has a great sense of humor and has been really good at giving us all those new parent initiations and yesterday we had a similar experience and as she was pooping, even shot me some smiles. Who doesn't smile when they've just pooped?! After she was warmed up and bundled, we went out to sit in the sunset and it was beautiful. We rocked in the rocking chair and allowed our minds to sit still for a bit. What a blessing and a beautiful night. The rest of the night was just as sweet, Ruthie and I napped on the couch and dad watched a movie, I think. We were too busy sleeping. When it came time to put Ruthie Lou to bed in our room, she of course decided that was the perfect time to wake up, she didn't want to miss the party, as her grandpa used to tell me when I was a kid. So we settled in bed, read her "On the day you were born" (a gift from our friends the Sullivans) and she peacefully fell back to sleep where she's resting now. As for me, maybe a nap around 8pm wasn't the best idea, but it sure felt good! I keep reminding myself to be in the moment, not worry about tomorrow and not to have expectations, but be so grateful for right now. I am grateful for a beautiful day. I am grateful for my beautiful family, a daughter so perfect and a husband with the largest heart of any man I have met. It's amazing that you can be with someone for ten years and still continue to learn things that make you love them more and more each day. Ruthie Lou gave us that gift, as well. And so, in this moment, all is peaceful, all is good. We were blessed to have this day. Ruthie Lou has had very full days this weekend. I don't think she spent nearly any time in her bed! She spent quality time with her loved ones and heard great stories, got great advice and taught a few lessons herself. My favorite thing to do with her is to think of another blessing or miracle that Ruthie Lou has given me or the world. We have so many, I need to start writing them down. Some blessings are big, the important lessons in life, some are tiny, the small things we do everyday. Both big and small, all miracles and blessings she has brought on her journey have forever changed lives and my hope is that they continue to influence us for the rest of our own journeys here in earth.
We're going to Hospice today. We have been dreading this day and anxiously awaiting at the same time. We want so badly to be a family in our own setting, to do normal everyday things. We can't wait to take her for a walk, snuggle while resting watch a soccer game with her on the couch. Today, we getting to do those things. It also marks the beginning of her transition. I wish that we had more time, but more time will still never be enough. We know so many of you wanted to meet her. We wanted her to meet so many more of you, all of you!! Those of you who did, were touched by an angel. And those who time didn't allow, an angel still touched your heart and trust me, she knows all about you. I talk to her all day about the amazing people in our life. Although my guess is, she already knows all about each and every one of you and that's why she fought so hard to be here. I do know some of you are heartbroken having never met her but she will always be in our life, in our hearts and all around us. Look for her when she is gone, she will visit, she'll be the ladybug flying around you or landing in your garden (I will tell you that story later). I may or may not be writing the next few days, I mostly do it when I have so much in my brain it won't settle until it's written down. But my request from you is to tell us the miracles and blessings Ruthie Lou has brought you, big and/or small. Please write it in our Guestbook for us to print and have always. If it is private please email me amielandsauthor@gmail.com This is where the hard part begins, this is when we will need you most. Please continue to love us, please continue to pray. And if we cross your mind, please let us know, message us, text us. They do not bother us, we look at them when we need to be lifted up, you lift us up. We love you all so much. |
Amie LandsI am mama of three beautiful babes; two sons whom I have the privilege of raising and my daughter who lived for 33 sacred days. Archives
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