Amie Lands, Author
  • Welcome
  • Author
  • Books
    • Navigating The Unknown
    • Our Only Time
    • Perfectly Imperfect Family
    • Tending to Your Heart series
    • Support Books
  • Blog

A lifetime is not a measure of time

8/9/2015

1 Comment

 
When you gaze upon the child you've longed for, every cell of your being changes. It's unexplainable until experienced and even more than one can conceivably imagine. When I could finally see the child I had only felt in my belly for 37 weeks, my life, my purpose, my everything shifted, my heart exploded with love. My Ruthie Lou, my sweetest girl, she changed me even before I knew how much.

Ruthie Lou, your pregnancy, labor up until the moment of birth were everything I had imagined and ever hoped it could be. Dancing with your dad, being cared for, anxiously waiting your arrival, longing to be your mama in this world. This story, the one of your birth can be whatever perspective I want it to be, sometimes it is lovely, other times it is terrifying and many times it is all those things. But above all the conflicting emotions of that day, the LOVE that exhumed could not be contained in my heart. You were here, you were mine and you will always be our daughter. ​

​
Everything about the days leading up to and the weeks that followed from the day of your birth, are ingrained and embedded in my mind.  I treasure every single memory.

Blue eyes, auburn hair, puckered lips, the dimple on the right side of your cheek. Chunky feet, chunkier thighs, skinny booty, long fingernails. Soft skin, baby smell, tousled hair that my fingers ran through one million times a day. Lovely visits, pinching booties, laughter and your room full of love. Soft kisses, more kisses, could I ever have kissed you enough? Poop explosions, the warm pool, sunsets, brisk air, the days turning to night. Opposite schedule, party animal, night wakings, holding you every moment we could, sharing you between us only because it was fair. Long talks, stories told, lessons learned, our souls speaking a language never to be heard aloud.

My heart will always long for you, the child that I am unable to raise. But let's be real, you raised me. You taught me more than I anticipate learning the rest of my life and the true reason we are here; to love and be loved, to show love, to grow love and to understand that time on Earth is valuable and borrowed. That a lifetime is not a measure of time.


I live in your love every day and especially today when I wish I could kiss you just one more time. I love you more than all the stars in the sky. 


Happy 4th birthday, Ruthie Lou. Today, I will eat all delicious food in honor of you.

Picture
Let me hold your hand.
Get the eBook,"​Tending to Your Heart: 100+ Ways to Connect with your Heart and Others After the Loss of Your Baby"
Download FREE eBook
1 Comment
Tracy
9/30/2017 02:27:26 am

What beautiful words, hugs & luv to you, I lost my beautiful son Marcus John, 18 years ago every word I read took me back there thank you xxxxx

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Amie Lands

    I am mama of three beautiful babes; two sons whom I have the privilege of raising and my daughter who lived for 33 sacred days.

    Archives

    May 2020
    January 2020
    October 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011

    Categories

    All
    Anniversaries
    Birthdays
    Book
    Breastfeeding
    Cancer
    Faith
    Family
    Fear
    Free Ebook
    Friends
    George Mark Children's House
    Gifts
    Giveaway
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Grocery Store Conversations
    Holidays
    Hope
    How Many Kids Do You Have?
    Ladybugs
    Lessons
    Life
    Loss
    Love
    Mama
    Memories
    Missing
    Mother's Day
    Musings
    Pain
    Pregnancy After Loss
    Rainbow Baby
    Resilience
    Ruthie Lou Foundation
    Ruthie's Life
    Sacred
    Siblings
    Signs
    Strength
    Support
    Wave Of Light

    RSS Feed



​Stay connected!


© Amie Lands, Author 2018

​Privacy Policy
  • Welcome
  • Author
  • Books
    • Navigating The Unknown
    • Our Only Time
    • Perfectly Imperfect Family
    • Tending to Your Heart series
    • Support Books
  • Blog